Funny Quotes

"If you watch Home Alone backwards, it's a story about two men who are helped out of traps by a young child, who then cleans them up. Then, the child's family comes home and yells at him."
"I did a few researchers to get that information."
"I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong."
"Next time your girl wants you to take her somewhere expensive, take her to the gas station almost 5.00/gallon."
"I stay up late every night and realize it's a bad idea every morning."
"They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine was hit by a truck"
"Most people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them."
"If I were a bird, I'd fly straight into a ceiling fan."
"The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you're swimming and when you're angry."
"Wouldn't it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don't like."

1 · 2